


Obsession

by orphan_account



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction, Zayn - Fandom, bottom louis - Fandom, boyxboy - Fandom, boyxgirl - Fandom, top harry - Fandom
Genre: At tagging, BUT THIS IS REALLY GOOD, I'm Bad, M/M, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-26
Updated: 2016-09-26
Packaged: 2018-08-17 10:42:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8140991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Louis Tomlinson is in love with his ex, and spends his time on the internet looking at Harry's Facebook and twitter profile. It had become an obsession before Louis decided to do something about it.





	

**Author's Note:**

> lolol this is my first work ok

Louis Tomlinson watched his ex fall in love with somebody else on Facebook.  
Keeping tabs on him via social media became a form of self-inflicted torture that he just couldn't quit. 

Louis and Harry broke up in the parking lot of an Uno Pizzeria in Boston. 

Harry wanted to settle down. He wanted kids and a good job and a yard for a dog to run in. Louis wanted New York. And London. And maybe Thailand for a year or two. Louis wanted to write and to live in a shitty apartment and to be in love in a tumultuous way. He was barely 21; He didn’t want it to be easy yet.

They ordered two individual deep-dish pizzas to go and sat in Harry's car eating them in silence. They told themselves it would be nice not to tip, or to listen to the bad ’90s songs they played inside the restaurant, but maybe it was just nice to not talk for a while.

“Something isn’t right,” Louis had said.

“Did they give you the wrong sauce?” Harry looked at Louis with a face of genuine concern that reminded Louis why he loved him.

“No. Not the pizza. Us,” Louis said.

A spot of red sauce crept down Harry's chin. Without permission, Louis wiped it away with his thumb.  
Through tears, they sat in the car making promises they couldn’t keep, their cold pizza unattended at their feet.

Maybe in a couple years, they had promised each other.

Louis held onto that longer than he should have.

It was Louis' justification three months later as he clicked through Harry's Facebook profile late at night. 

I just want to see how he is, Louis told himself. I wonder if he’s found that job yet, Louis reasoned. 

I wonder if his parents are still in good health. 

Louis always had a good reason for going back.

Their first photograph together was taken at a party.

At least Louis can assume it was a party from the red Solo cup she held and his tipsy half-smile — the same one Louis used to tease him about. His fingers were wrapped around her waist and as Louis stared at his computer screen he tried not to think about how he used to feel when Harry put his hands the same place on him. 

Maybe they’re just friends. Did he know her while we were dating? I wonder if they spent the night together.  
I’m not allowed to care, Louis reminded himself.

But he did. Louis slammed his laptop shut. He was done torturing himself for one night. But when he fell asleep, Louis dreamed of Harry. 

It was winter. Dirty snow lined the parking lot of the 7-Eleven where they bought papers to roll joints. As they leaned against the car Louis could feel the cold spreading through his body from the soles of his feet.  
Harry exhaled purposefully onto Louis, his cloud of hot breath drifting toward Louis. 

Like any dreamscape, it wasn’t quite right. The plotline didn’t make sense. Why were they standing outside rather than walking in? Why were they driving Louis' mother’s car instead of Harry's?  
Why wasn’t Louis wearing a jacket?

Why were they still together?

Louis took his hands out of his gloves and put them under Harry's shirt, finding his way to Harry's chest. Harry winced and then smiled at Louis.

“I’m just here to warm your extremities, aren’t I?” Harry had said.

“Maybe,” Louis said, grinning.

Louis woke up cold, searching for Harry in his bed. 

That brief moment after waking was always the worst. That moment when he felt like the dream was reality — like maybe he and Harry never broke up at all. 

That moment when Louis willed himself back to sleep, wishing nothing more than to return to his hand on Harry's chest. 

That moment where he remembered so easily what it felt like to love and to be loved that it seemed impossible, it wasn’t true anymore.

Louis grabbed my phone from his nightstand and started scrolling through Harry's Twitter. He needed to be with Harry, in whatever capacity he could. As he read the words on his screen he could hear Harry's voice so clearly. 

Louis imagined Harry laughing at his own joke before posting it and Louis smiled at the thought.  
Louis could hear his voice so easily that for a moment his bed didn’t feel quite so empty.

Six months after they broke up, there was another photo: him and the girl with the red Solo cup at a baseball game. Louis' stomach twisted as he realised she was destined to become a recurring character in his life. Louis scrolled through the photos of them together, each holding a drink. 

Louis wondered if she liked sports, or if she was more interested in the overpriced beers and hot dogs like he was. Louis wondered if she enjoyed remarking on the tightness of the player’s pants, or discussing the blood alcohol content of the people around her. 

Louis wondered if they were having fun. Seeing them together, with their easy smiles and full cups, it still didn’t register that Harry had moved on. 

Maybe in a couple of years — that promise came back to Louis too easily. Louis didn’t want him now, but Louis didn’t think that meant he couldn’t have Harry ever again. 

Louis couldn’t digest that he could fall in love with someone else while he still loved him.  
At that point, Louis didn’t understand love could be one-sided like that.  
He couldn’t imagine Harry told her the things he told Louis, or looked at her the same way. 

In his deluded state, Louis actually felt sorry for her. 

This poor girl’s boyfriend is in love with his ex, Louis thought. 

It’s funny how easy it is to believe the unbelievable when it hurts less.  
Louis pictured Harry lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, wishing the person lying next to him was Louis. 

It was easier to imagine he was sleeplessly staring at walls, searching for Louis in his bed, than to believe the truth: He wasn’t thinking of Louis at all.

The internet told Louis a lot about her. It told him she was beautiful and smart. It told him she was social and her smile made her seem kind. Louis wanted to hate her, but he couldn’t.

She took pictures with children and smiled wholeheartedly in photos. She laughed in a way that seemed authentic. She looked like the kind of girl who didn’t take long to get ready.

Louis looked at her profile and then went back to his own, attempting to step outside of himself and act as an unbiased judge between the two of them. He looked at their profiles and saw all the things they had in common, and all the things they did not. Louis' face was more angular and sharper than hers, his hair a little less blonde. 

Louis' smile didn’t come as easily, except in the photos in which he was with Harry. She volunteered more than Louis did, but Louis seemed to get outdoors more. She looked like she came from money, and Louis looked like he was living on hand-me-downs and budgeted grocery lists. They had their differences but they also had their overarching similarities: They both loved their family, their friends, and the same guy. 

Months passed and Louis watched them tag each other in photos and their relationship status change. Louis cringed as they exchanged banter on Twitter and speculated what their jokes were about. Louis noticed when she became friends with his sister and took a photo with his mother. 

Louis saw Harry wearing the watch he bought him as Harry stood next to her on a vacation they took together.  
Louis saw them driving in the car he and Harry kissed in — the car they also broke up in.

Louis saw their relationship go the places his and Harry's had gone and to places it had not. 

Louis wondered if they fought. Louis wondered if the things Harry did that annoyed him bothered her in the same way. 

Louis wondered if she wanted the big yard and the good job, too.

Louis could have stopped looking at any time, but it was addicting. Louis wanted to know what happened next. Louis wanted to see if it worked out. Or maybe he wanted to see if it didn’t.

Despite his self-inflicted torture, Louis didn’t reach out to him.  
He still wanted New York. And London. And maybe Thailand for a year or two. Nothing had changed. 

But he liked seeing photos of that toothy grin. Louis liked when Harry made a goofy face or wasn’t ready for a picture. 

 

He reminded Louis what it felt like to love someone, and Louis liked that part of himself.

 

He and Harry were both spiraling off in vastly different directions, but Louis still felt an inexplicable pull toward Harry. It was nice having him be so accessible, even if he wasn’t.

Louis didn’t fancy himself a stalker, though maybe that’s what he was — leering through the virtual windowpane of someone else’s happy life. 

He guess he just thought if he could see Harry on that 13-inch computer screen, then maybe Harry was still with him in a way, maybe he wasn’t alone, maybe he was loved. 

Maybe Harry was looking, too.

As time passed, Louis visited Harry less often. And when Louis did concede, the twist of the knife was not as sharp. 

Instead, it felt like the prodding of a dull familiar wound, one that leaves its mark, but the pain is felt more from memory than from anything else.

Eventually, Louis went an hour without thinking of Harry, then a few hours, then a day, then a week, then a month.

When Louis visits Harry's profile now, the sting isn’t as sharp. Louis is proud of Harry when he finds success in his career, and Louis is sad for him when someone he knows dies. 

Louis is happy for him for being in love. 

Louis is glad for the girl with the red Solo cup for finding such a good man.

Maybe Harry's different now. Maybe he doesn’t snort when he laughs, or fold his pizza into a sandwich before eating it. 

Maybe Louis don’t know him at all. But still, visiting Harry reminds Louis that he is capable of love, and that he is worthy of love. 

It reminds Louis that when you truly care for another person, it never really goes away.


End file.
